Growing Into Myself
Posted: Thursday, November 17, 2011
by Ashley Sosa
He says "This baby has changed you". Well who exactly does he think he is? All he's capable of is control and manipulation and now that I have another life to watch out for I won't stand for it any longer, but man is it killing him inside. He can't stand the new me.
The me that won't give in to his every wish. In fact I won't give in to most, anymore. I have learned a lot, we have completely different values in life, we are on different pages everyday and there is no way to make a relationship work like that.
I do admit I have placed some wrong into our relationship just as he has but know that I have grown wiser I know there is no excuse for the things he says or does to me. We are all human and we all make our mistakes, but when it gets to the point where all you do is hurt each other, the smart individual will have to face the fact that much is not going to change and they must walk away or live a life of unhappiness. This is how one can regain themselves from who they had originally lost in the mess.
I want to regain myself, I want to know what it feels like to be me and be free to do the things I like without being judged or put down by mean words or blatant force. Words that he claims to be nothing relevant as if they don't cut me deep, forces that he claims need to be applied in order for us to fix things. We trust the people we are closest to and when they say degrading things we start to believe them and we start to not think much of ourselves. I am ready for the change I have been longing for, I'm ready to do this independently and create a better tomorrow for myself and my son. I owe him nothing and he owes me nothing, nor am I asking for anything.
I just want to feel like me again.
In the end, I guess he was right, my son has changed me but only in the most positive productive way. The best way any baby could change any mother, teaching me how to love myself again as well as putting him first in my life and providing independently while knowing we are going to be alright because I can do anything I want in life. I am fully capable of achieving my wildest aspirations as long as I stay strong and push forward never giving up on who I am and who I aspire to be, a loving, successful mother.
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Top-level comments on this article: (4 total)Hi Ashley.
You ARE very young as you wrote in your comment to me. And to have a baby at such a young age is very brave, in my opinion. To realize what you have written about in your article is wise beyond your years. If this is any indication of what is ahead for you, you will do very well in life. You go girl! (Do young folks still say that? :))
Hugs,
Dianne
The child, and being in an abusive relationship leaves your 'husband or boyfriend' jealous of the relationship you have with your son. Please realize that abusers will always want you back, after they have hurt you, and if this is happening on a regular basis....go see a counselor at a Womens Shelter; as far as you can afford to go, for that visit. Promises will not be kept by men who abuse women, unless they have gotten counseling, and the less you say about what you plan to do, the better.
The Battered Woman Syndrome kicks in, when a woman begins to believe she shares some of the guilt for what has happened, that is NOT so. Do not let circumstances, or lack of money keep you from seeking help.....you deserve it. Good article, and good to share your feelings, as writing does bring healing......best wishes.
Ashley, life seems just a beginning for you and baby. But if without a man to help around, you will wear out pretty soon. You are young and for the baby's sake, the closer persons should be your parents. It takes a LONG LONG time to see a baby grow up at the same time to do your own things.
Thanks for sharing and God loves you.
Ashley, You've realised much at a young age. Yes, having children gives us an entirely new perspective on life. Our babies are so dependent on us and as we assume the role of responsibility, we really need to look at our own lives and the best way to teach our children their strongest and best sense of self is to model the behaviour of treating ourselves with respect and expecting others to do the same. Your partner displays typical abuser behaviour, i.e. The Cycle of Abuse, the honeymoon phase deteriorating into growing abuse then remorse and back to the honeymoon phase where they placate with promises, apologies, gifts and attention. And always throughout, they make you think it is your fault and they are the victim. If you learn this early, you can save yourself and your son a great deal of heartache. I wish you both well.
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